The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took
the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great
country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in
this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from
the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .
"I'm not free. I'm four."
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SURGEONS ARE TAKING A COFFEE BREAK.........
1st
surgeon says: "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you
open them up, everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says: "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is
in alphabetical order.
3rd responds: "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded."
4th intercedes: "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and their butts are
interchangeable."
To which the 5th surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation,
says: "I like engineers... they always understand when you have a few
parts left over at the end."
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Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If automotive
technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few
decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a
V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have
an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of
gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than
$50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to
drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
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One year, Johnny's family was
having the "extended family" 4th of July cookout at their home. One of
the special treats that year was the lighting of the fireworks (Roman candles,
bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.) they had bought out of state (they're
illegal in their state, of course!)
Just before they were to
arrive, a cousin calls, saying their neighbor's plans
had just fallen through, and could they bring them along to the picnic - they
even had extra food to bring. "Sure, the more the
merrier!"
Upon arrival and meeting of
their cousin's neighbor, it is discovered that he's a police officer. The
father turns as innocently as he can to Johnny, and whispers to him to grab the
paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly.
Johnny disappears, and the father changes the topic to food for the day. This
family had brought some chicken to grill, so the father tells them the gas
grill is all set to use out back - just turn on the gas and push the ignition
button with the lid still closed.
They head out to the back as
Johnny comes back in through the front door. The father hurries to him and says
"Whew, that was close! That man's a police
officer, and he almost saw the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?"
"Oh, yeah, nobody will ever think to look in the grill!"
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